The Poetry, Prose, Story Poems, Essays and Short Stories of Toni D. Helfrick, R.N. *ASSOCIATE  MEMBER* The Writing Forum’s Writer of the Month - September 2009   AUTHOR’S BIO: I’m Toni Helfrick, and I have been writing since I was a child, mainly poems that rhyme, and later I became interested in other poetic forms. I now also write stories and essays. I have been a registered nurse for many years, and my frequent work had been Pediatrics, Psychiatric Nursing and Hospice Nursing.   At present, I am volunteering in the Veterans Administration Hospital in Florida. Continuing with stories and poems, I have had many requests for some of my writings to be put into four poetry books, and on one occasion, I was asked to send the publisher for many poems, and yes, they are in my bookshelf. My activities and the things I like are playing the piano, painting watercolor paintings, and prior to that, I have done many landscapes.  I am presently interested in photography, and have framed some, and many have given to families and friends.  I welcome everyone, and I can assure you that The Writing Forum will definitely be a very fine choice. To read my essays, short stories, and story-poems published here at The Writing Forum, please click on the links below: ESSAYS SHORT STORIES ANOTHER DAY - STORY-POEM SERIES THE COLORADO GAMBLER STORY-POEM SERIES RIVER FOR THE LONELY STORY-POEM SERIES OTHER STORY-POEMS Email: nursetoni@cfl.rr.com   POETRY BY TONI D. HELFRICK Click on the button in front of any poem title in the list below to be linked to that poem:  THE INCESSANT IRISH COW  The Eyes of a Child  Beyond Repair - kyrielle sonnet  A Child’s Predicament - hexaduad  A HOSPICE NURSE’S PRAYER - English pensee  THE TRESPASSER  FROM FEAR TO COURAGE  THE GIRL DEEP INSIDE  HOW STILL THE NIGHT - Shakespearean sonnet  THE TOIL O’ THE MINER  REMEMBERING AUTUMN  BEYOND THE HORIZON  THOUGHTS  THE VAGARIES OF TEENAGE P.M.S.  THE FUTURE OF THE GANG  HER ANGER  NATURE, like our NATIONS… a metaphor  ANGST  JUST BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP  PREJUDICE  THE GIRL  IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT  An’ I’ll be Thinkin’ o’ Ye!  THE ROAD TO NOWHERE  AD ASTRA, PER ASPERA  ‘TIS NOT THE SPIRIT ENDING  THE TREE  PRECIOUS MOMENTS  OUR ACHILLES HEEL  HAIKU AND SENRYU (12)  ANHEDONIA IN THE WORKPLACE  THE EARLY MORN  LADY BY HE SEASIDE  THE POX (trochet)  BARRICADE OF FEELINGS  WHAT DOES ANYONE ASK?   THE INCESSANT IRISH COW © Toni D. Helfrick Aye, aye, said the she dog, the he dog as well And the pig in the barn stall agreed, I do tell! A figment of happiness each had in his mind A dream of ‘imself, ‘e held deep down inside. The hidden agenda, the barn stall awry And all did their ‘darn dest’ to pretend to try And as each succeeded, in his own way They minded their manners, they did, and away. The horses agreeing, so silent their nod With glassy-eyed stares, then onward they trod. But the Cow, from a distance, observing it all Turned ‘er back on the lot o’ them, facing her stall ‘Such a barnyard pretend, how foolish they act! I’ll not be a part of it- that is a fact.’ With the cock as their leader, astrutting about Being sure all complying, made Cow want to shout, ‘Be gone with ye all, ye forgot who ye are Yer pretendin’ such nonsense, it won’t git ye far!’ ‘Fer, ye may think yer special, all lumped in a bunch But remember the Farmer, he’ll ‘ave ye for lunch Ye can stand, ye can gripe, an’ all complain, too But it won’t get ye nuthin’ when daylight is through. When yer all in yer pens, bedded down fer the night An’ Farmer ‘as fed ye, ye wait the first light Wasted energy’s got ye, each one o’ yer crew Cuz, when everything’s done, Farmer Brown, ‘e owns you. So fer whut are ye gripin’ and whut will ye gain Try lykin the moments ye have in the rain When the sun rises up in the new mornin’ sky Ye can think it all different, be ‘appy, an why? ‘Cuz I see it from ‘ere, an’ ye don’t have a call- It’s Farmer Brown’s ballgame, an’ he has the ball!’   The Eyes of a Child © Toni D. Helfrick These little eyes that can please us In times of our worry, can ease us, These little eyes that love Jesus, And these are the eyes of a child. These little eyes that beseech us- And lift up their arms just to reach us, These eyes, for sure, even teach us- Yes, these are the eyes of a child. These are the eyes that can sadden us, More often than not, they can gladden us- Perhaps a few times, they may madden us, The innocent eyes, of a child. These little eyes are forgiving, When we’re simply caught up in just living- These little eyes are most giving, When held very close in our arms. And these little eyes show they’re trusting, And sometimes, with joy, they’re just bursting- They help out when Mommy is dusting- These too, are the eyes of a child. These who have hands full of mud pies, Who wake at the first light of sunrise- With energy more than you think wise, The eyes of your growing up child. These eyes smiled as you brushed their hair, And taught them a soft bedtime prayer, Watched them sleep in the cool evening air- Yes, these are the eyes of your child. These eyes of the child you once fed, And tucked in quite safely in bed- Humming lullabies, stroking their heads, The eyes of your now grown up child. And this child who is now on their own, Somehow, in your heart, you have known- This child you have raised, taught and led, Has somehow, heard all that you said. © Toni D. Helfrick ~Happy Mother’s and Daddy’s for your Mother’s Day!   Beyond Repair (kyrielle sonnet) © Toni D. Helfrick My life, a spool of fraying thread Unwinding, rolling, ‘cross the floor- Unlikely lodged beneath my bed. I cannot mend me, anymore… My life a skein of tattered yarn In knots behind my closet door- So many rips and tears to darn I cannot mend me anymore… My life a pot of sticky paste Left open on the basement floor- Seems I forget such things in haste I cannot mend me anymore… My life a spool of fraying thread, I cannot mend me anymore…   A Child’s Predicament  (hexaduad) © Toni D. Helfrick I’ll swim With Jim Somehow I’ve lost my shoe! I don’t know what to do I just can’t walk down on the ground With dirty socks, I’ve looked around I must tell Dad He might get mad A shame that I must tell My folks are gonna yell I don’t wanna- But, I’m gonna.   A HOSPICE NURSE’S PRAYER (English pensee) © Toni D. Helfrick, R.N. Dear Lord, Please help me have Compassion to those near death And guide me, Lord, to comfort them- For these who are in the last hours of life. Show me Where there is pain, And how I can help them most Please let me know of all their needs- Here, in the last minutes. Lord God, Give me wisdom- With intuitive thinking, To guide me with sense, that I may Be comforting to them. In these, Their last hours, Guide my thoughts for family And put my labors to good use, That all loved ones will lessen any pain.   THE TRESPASSER © Toni D. Helfrick He plays with fire, who crosses through my wood Although he need not crawl beneath my fence And yet, he knows a person never should Traverse the land I watch, so very dense. The barrel cleaned, I tightly grip the stock He’ll never see, should he continue forth, From window to the door, undo the lock Prepare to end his travels on his course. So still I watch, awaiting now the kill Though I see naught, the crackling branches tell The tension, high, we both possess the will I wait in stillness, I shall do it well. The moon illuminates him on the run The face- he is my child!  I drop the gun.   FROM FEAR TO COURAGE Once, upon a terrible time Lived a woman so horribly sad- The man was very controlling He convinced her that she was bad. For his control was imperative- In the house, she surely must stay Stern were the works that he ordered- She hid all her tears, now away. And then he reminded, he’ll be ‘out’ Returning again, end of day Her heart was rapidly beating, She wanted to go out today. She daydreamed of where she would go now Talking with neighbors a while, Yet, when she was ready to go out Her face lost that beautiful smile. She feared, should he see her outside, now- Though, there was no reason for fear, Yet, she knew, if he came by and saw her, She would be maligned, folks might hear. She was always now directed, By him, who was out of control He never liked what she cooked him She felt the hurt deep in her soul. She tried her best, just to please him No matter what she might do- It simply wasn’t enough, though She thought, “What was it he we would do?” Epilogue: One fine morning, she did pack, She knew she’d leave, and not be back… © Toni D. Helfrick Author’s comment: I wish I had not seen so many women with this dilemma,  but many of those we see with a smile are sometimes in terrible fear. If you are afraid, contact a doctor, a person who wants to help, and please, do not wait for it. I have worked with many women, such as some of this poem. If anyone you know needs help, give whomever it is, to help them. Thank you. My Email: nursetoni@cfl.rr.com.   THE GIRL DEEP INSIDE © Toni D. Helfrick Her smile, it was flawless- Her pain, kept inside Yet, nobody knows her- She hurts deep inside. She put up a strong front The pain, she will bide Though, nobody knows her- She hurts much inside. The pretense of laughter And useless things hide- The depth of all people And what is inside. She’s many companions With aches in their bones Yet, she’s never met them- They suffer alone. They never did see her To themselves, they lied- All failed just to ‘notice’ The girl, deep inside. It is such a pity- A truth, bona fide, That they might have liked her, The girl, deep inside.   HOW STILL THE NIGHT (Shakespearean sonnet) © Toni D. Helfrick I sometimes hear the crickets in the night It’s quiet where we live, not many cars Whenever I should watch the full moon bright This night the sky is filled with twinkling stars. The stillness of the night, I’ve come to love And as the evening mist is in the air I like to sit and gaze at stars above Although the dampness felt on skin and hair. And when I’m in our home, I watch the moon Illumination as I darken lights The furniture I see in every room From moonbeams, these are very special nights. In past times, I remember lots of noise I’ll just remember giggling girls and boys!   THE TOIL O’ THE MINER © Toni D. Helfrick I work in a part of hell, I’d say- A dungeon or so it seems, Me wife, at ‘ome, unaware o’ me plight Content, with ‘er hopes an’ dreams. Each mornin’ I tykes the train, don’t ye know- To the bowels o’ this ‘ere earth- With coal dust and dirt, an’ sweat on me brow, Well, I’m fillin’ me ugly girth. An what ‘ave I got, at the end o’ the toil, As I’m ridin’ back up to the light? As all of us get to the end o’ the line- We’re seein’ it’s already night! I’ve shoveled, I’ve picked, an’ me body, it aches From haulin’ an liftin’ the coal- An’ I wait for the day, not too far away, When the Lord calls me wretched soul.   REMEMBERING AUTUMN © Toni D. Helfrick The long autumn hours With warm September’s heat The muggy air That droops my hair And, also the swollen feet! The lengthy nights of Fall- I waken and can’t sleep My mind can see A list for me- With promises to keep. Recalling summer’s days And sitting on the beach- My make-up’s run Thanks to the sun And skin tones turn to peach. And dark, autumn storms The hurricanes with rain Some flooding, too But not near you It fortunately drains. Quiet, autumn days, The wind was turned to cool The leaves, they fall Wind swept them all The branches? Naked fool! The children, starting school- Where smiling faces rule The laughter’s here Excitement near The teacher, cannot Be fooled. And on November days Land changes many ways The breeze is cool On the way to school And then there’s Thanksgiving Day. Mom makes a dinner, fine For relatives to dine We thank the Lord- He’s never bored The memories? They’re in my mind…   BEYOND THE HORIZON © Toni D. Helfrick Beyond the far horizon With trees, swaying in the breeze Way down the road the sand and sea The dunes sit near the trees. Many memories to ponder, Remembering a past in my mind I love the landscape pictures Some more, I’m sure I’ll find. Somehow, I know I’ve been right here Perhaps just in my dreams The seagulls fly, watching you and I How lovely that it seems. We must recall our past, we know To be with other friends Laughter’s only, with funny after- But don’t forget the loss of a friend.   THOUGHTS © Toni D Helfrick The fear, it’s here- I know that I will fail. But I, must try Again, to no avail. And he, you see Will blight you in the night. I know that I Will never get it right. But what, she’s got I simply fail to see. I trod, and plod And see it cannot be. The strife, in life Is something we accept. The breath of death The winter winds have kept. And  me? I’m free I’m just a wife and mother. In me, you’ll see Contentment like no other.   THE VAGARIES OF TEENAGE P.M.S. © Toni D. Helfrick I wonder who named it- Whoever could guess- This ‘lovely’ phenomenon, P.M.S. When your daughter is grouchy, Her room is a mess She seethes like a tomcat, Yep, P.M.S. When you simply can’t win, And settle for less- And she keeps on pushing, It’s P.M.S. She screams some obscenities, P.M.S. Then asks for a handout, Nevertheless. “Come pick me up, Mom”, “Yuck!   What a dress!” Do I really know her- Miss P.M.S.? Critical of me, An ingrate, yes- Rude at the table, P.M.S. She is very lovely, To others, I guess- And gives me the heartburn, Ms. P.M.S. But, is it her hormones, That caused all this mess- Or, is she just selfish, With no P.M.S.? Though I still love her, I’m under duress- She shows no affection, Ms. P.M.S. It’s time that I face it, And end all the stress- It’s lack of respect, And NO P.M.S.! Perhaps I have caused it, By settling for less, And letting her run me, Ms. P.M.S.   THE FUTURE OF THE GANG © Toni D. Helfrick In the twilight of the men’s years, They reflected on the friendly camaraderie, that they had once, And they sought others in college, somewhat like a ‘fraternity’ A group of men, now knowing them, many with silver gray on each side- They have played bridge every Friday night at their “Club”. They seemed to be a bunch of aged ‘ruffians’, Who now have ‘Carte Blanche’ at their place- Noticing the fine waiter, they knew well, And the imagery of his past- Is at best, a small group once a week. And as they each sip their brandy by the crackling fire, Thought turns to their younger years, When they held positions of importance, and, They recalled these times with their accomplishments And, the dimensions of their future years are that are Now held in abeyance… Now that their friends are careful when their guard is down, Each wonders what will become of them all- Looking and seeing those who are ‘getting old,” and, Wondering of them all, and pondering about their demise, And they ask- “Will WE know each other in the Afterlife?” “To those who have left our world, they seek a better place.”   HER ANGER © Toni D. Helfrick Her anger took away her ebullience She sat and stared, and seldom cared About the things of the day. There was no paralysis, no physical pain But emotional pain obscured her vision of life And, there was no joie d’ vivre. Recalling the past was her focus Resentment ever present in her day And, devoid of energy, she stopped feeling. Persons of good-will called Yet, she tolerated them until they left With a shallow smile and also, rhetoric. She ate some food, but it tasted bland And she had very little energy or will Thinking of the past, not yet gone from her mind. The days would come and go No matter to her what happened She began to lose her faith in God. And soon, He got the blame, as she sat and rocked She even moved away, but somehow She had packed her anger, taking it with her. The apathetic state of her life was dreadful She had stopped dreaming of better things Or even of helping another person in need. The anger usurped her vitality And sapped her of all her energies Eventually causing a depression, as anger remained. For, anger steals the mind and body As it consumes one’s life Unless she learns, once again, to forgive.   NATURE, like our NATIONS… A metaphor © Toni D. Helfrick In early morning darkness I can barely see a thing Yet somewhere in the end of night I hear the crickets sing. And as the sun begins to sneak A beam of light on through- A few more birds will forage food Amongst the morning dew. Now the entourage begins The birds have all come out Mocks will sing on chimney tops Such noise, I want to shout. The larger birds, nocturnal ones Have hunted, and now sleep The hummers dark from here to there The feeder?  Not a peep! And as I watch them working hard All nature’s fine creations It’s sad we can’t all live in peace- With all the other nations.   ANGST © Toni D. Helfrick His gnarled, arthritic hands And the fixed gaze upon his face Revealed the sadness as he recalled Remnants of his tattered past Memories of his mother were before him As she sat in her rocker, crocheting He blotted his teary eyes clumsily Handkerchief in hand as he relived those times The naked truth of his wandering days And the accessories of their detail Were with him, even more now that he had aged The simple years of acorns and slingshots He had left behind, with his awkwardness.   JUST BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP © Toni D. Helfrick Now, just before I climb in bed So many thoughts are in my head I think about the day that’s ending Wondering of things, needing mending. I do not think of darning socks Nor of the storm out on the rocks Rather, I see people’s minds With all the very many kinds. And thoughts of how my family stays As most of them are far away I somehow must examine me And how I handled ‘charity’. There are so many out there now Who need someone to help, somehow I pray the Lord will show me each Of those in pain who I can reach. And after all my thinking’s done I cuddle by my special one The husband of my dreams and life I thank the Lord, that I’m his wife. And in the darkness, I can see Lots of thoughts and memory Things that make me smile each thought The things I think cannot be bought! I thank the Lord, for all He’s given And ask His help to be forgiving I know tomorrow, will be one- A day that I can help someone.   PREJUDICE ~to all who may have suffered~ © Toni D. Helfrick And who gives us the right, to burden or to smite Another kind that we might find And harm him in the night? And where do we get on, our high-horse nice and soft When we can fight for what’s not right We need to go aloft. To watch and see these things, and look up to the sky Gaze down our nose, don’t like their clothes Yet, we can’t figure why. They worship somewhere else, not like our church, tis true There’s no one there, with golden hair What makes them less than you? She’s come from another place, we just don’t understand The way they speak, we just can’t seek Their company now, and- We know they’re different people, we do make lots of jokes We call them names, they’re not the same! Like ordinary blokes. No bother and no fuss, they’re not our kind, like us- With different ways, unkindness stays We’ll help them move, let’s rush. We don’t want them to stay, they’ve been in the way- Yet, if they go, it’s not right, though- Our thoughts, we need to weigh. It’s time to lend some help, and all will understand These are our brothers, though, they’re others Let’s help them, if they can. Author’s Note: This was a challenge from a woman who  is a poet, and I can see better, now.   THE GIRL © Toni D. Helfrick I never thought I’d see the girl again- Our tempers flared, we shouted, she was gone, She had a stubbornness to her, it’s true, And I, recalcitrant, showed her my back. I lost the chance to mend the things between The girl and I, and so, I let her leave- And many years have come and gone away, My thoughts were other places and until- I’d see the scarlet flowers that she loved, Then, all my thoughts of her came flooding in. When time has passed, and all of us regret The many things we did or did not say, I, for my lack back then, have surely paid, Perhaps a visit, might be in the cards. For we were once a mother and a child, And if I have the courage I once lacked, I’ll go to her, today, while she’s around- And welcome her into my heart, again.   IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT © Toni D. Helfrick In the darkest dark of the night, When the wind is still and the moon has fled- The birds of prey fear to leave their nests- And the silence is almost deafening. Man, bared of his accoutrements, And solely in his nakedness, contemplates and Sees an encapsulated view of himself and his life- As it really is and, for the first time, He contemplates the true meaning of his being. For, it is only with this separation From the daily travails of live- That man gives himself the time, the intensity of thought And, the concentration is needed For man to see himself, as he actually is. Man, unfettered by rule or reason of another Can see or ponder what he wishes, And from these thoughts, in the darkness of night With a clear head and an unbiased view- Mankind can choose either to be the person he is Or, he can mend his ways, and become a fine person. This examination of the conscience of one’s self, Whether done by man or woman- Can and must be done periodically by us all. In the stark, dark loneliness of the night, So that we might strive to become that ‘better person’ Whom our Creator had intended, we would be.   An’ I’ll be Thinkin’ o’ Ye! © Toni D. Helfrick Aye, an’ I’ll be thinkin o’ ye, Every night when stars abound The sky, she’s filled with twinklin’ An’ I feel it all around. Twas long ago I met ye On another starry night- We both were young, your hair o’ gold The world, it seemed just right. We walked the fields an’ meadows And sat upon the green- The warm green grass of summer Still, remembering to dream. O would we could reclaim them- The days o’ summers past, When the air was filled with magic An’ we thought that they would last. We promised we’d remember Come here to meet again- On another day next summer Like the one we had, and then. So sad it was, recalling, The summers days and nights We both were young, a special time The world, it seemed just right.   THE ROAD TO NOWHERE © Toni D. Helfrick On the road to nowhere, we’re ambling along Each day we seem to wonder, and what has been so wrong? Though our thoughts and wishes, just cannot simply cannot be- We keep on thinking that somehow we will see. The reasons for living, and why are we all here- To make our lives much better, having freedom from our fears, Though down times are rather arduous, they’re times are long and rough Ideas and thinking, they lead us all to learn, and sometimes, it is tough. A formidable task, this new role we play, Pretending courage, we go along way The more that we work it, the harder we try, Convincing ourselves, we’ll succeed, by and by. And then we will find, as we all go on trying More work ‘til we’re tired, there might be some smiling Someday we shall learn that though, we’re not yet done Our labors were worth it, and now, we have won…   AD ASTRA, PER ASPERA (to the stars, through difficulty) © Toni D. Helfrick Where are all the hurts we walked away from Where were all the times we tried and failed? Where are all the troubles we avoided Sometimes it seems our smiles were only veiled. And where now, are unpleasant disappointments The things or people we depended on? The times we wondered how we’d ever make it Somehow, with time we found that they were gone. And what’s to be ahead?  We call it ‘future’ The way for us to manage and to cope- We learn from our mistakes, it seems it’s true To maintain our composure in a crisis And use our judgment as we ought to do. The answer to it all is comprehension- We need to watch and learn what life entails~ Yet, learning’s not the total or solution Applying it to problems will prevail.   ‘TIS NOT THE SPIRIT ENDING © Toni D. Helfrick Tis not the spirit ending Nor the voices growing cold The world is ripe for mending And we’ll need to seek the bold. New persons who can lead us Where only brave will tread The world will someday need us And we must help; we’ve led. Amongst those who would take us But as leaders, seem to fail They need to know what lies ahead And courage shall prevail. And from good places, some shall rise~ Our leaders are found here When we can trust and see their eyes Perhaps, the time is near. For those who would attack us, strong And blow themselves to bits They must be told, they’re very wrong Our world will not be this. And other nations far and wide They’ll hopefully agree- The killing fields on any side Are wrong, we surely see. ‘Tis not the spirit ending, Nor the voices growing cold The world is ripe for mending And we need to seek the bold.   THE TREE © Toni D. Helfrick The tree at the seaside bends, with branches outstretched, yearning to be away from the elements- salty air, bitter cold wind and all that ‘push and shove’ it day and night. It has suffered long, and leans away from that which caused its’ pain. Yet, it’s roots are there, buried in the windswept sand, and remnants of soil that is a constant reminder and yanking and pulling that painful tug, at a return to ‘where it’s at’. “Remember me, who nourished you, who stayed with you when times were rough, through hurricane and hot, sunny day?  Yearn all you want, but do not attempt to move too far from your roots, for you will surely snap,” it seemed to say. Where is it written that I, a tree, or any living thing for that matter, need suffer- suffer to the degree that life either becomes meaningless, commonplace or horribly painful? who or what has such a hold on another to cause such unhappiness, in a world filled with other options? I yearn to be away from all that has shackled me, mind and body for so very long.  Yet, I know such a ‘move’ away would cause problems or pain for either me or others.  I also fear the unknown. What lies beyond the sun and sand? Can I survive? The future, that is, my future, lies in abeyance.  A decision must be made, and soon by me.  For, I am the one with the free will to transplant myself to greener pastures.  I lack but the courage to try.  And, if I try and fail, I need to root myself again, become upright, and try again, until I have found that peace of mind, which I so desperately seek. Time is running out. I see the old trees on the beach, now deadened by both time and lack of spirit, still there, standing, permanently bent toward that part of the world which would have been better, had they had the courage to try. As I see them, I am filled with strength, and am better able to cope with whatever lies ahead. I seek, at long last, my fortune. ~Ad Astra, per Aspera~ (Latin idiom, “To the stars, with difficulties”) line is calligraphy, but not this.   PRECIOUS MOMENTS © Toni D. Helfrick The faded sounds of laughter way back when Return me to my childhood years and then- I hear the echoes, smell the scents and see Within myself I’ve kept them all with me. And who’s to say I shall not reminisce Or gaze upon a tender teenage kiss? I fail to see the harm in walking back If only for a moment, for I lack The joy and carefree youth I spent back then, Dear Lord, I long to have them back again! Good times I spent with friends as I grew too Not knowing then what I know now, it's true. These precious, golden moments now to see- But for my dreams, back then I cannot be.   OUR ACHILLES HEEL © Toni D. Helfrick We are all victims of our own inner vulnerabilities. Each man is an island unto himself, subject to the vagaries of time and circumstance which surround him. We all possess a self-assured, confident exterior- the ‘party face’- a façade for the masses. Beneath it lies the bare soul, empty in its’ simplicity and devoid of complexity. Concomitant with the soul are our attitudes and feelings- the reality of our being and, that part of most which is, ironically, the most difficult to reach. We erect numerous fences- so much protection- so many shields and walls! Yet, that part shielded by the walls is anxious for liberation and must be freed, enabling us expression of the self. Our vulnerabilities lie here, safeguarded from attack, and only reveal themselves on occasion- sometimes accidentally, when our guard is down. It is important that we are conscious and aware of our Achilles Heel”, our tendency by nature to hide the true self. We must somehow strive to shatter the walls, venture beyond them, and be truly liberated from our own bondage. We must also be mindful to temper our new-found freedom of expression, that it does not harm another. For, our purpose is not to lay upon another person, that from whom we have just become unencumbered. The answer lies in discipline of the self, a happy medium of sorts- allowing ourselves true, honest insight and free expression, coupled with a conscious effort to respect and care for the feelings of mankind in general, as we might care also, for ourselves.   Haiku and Senryu ©Toni D. Helfrick ~*~ Emptiness leaves me As I watch him, mesmerized- Dragonfly at work ~*~      Weathered tree stands tall Stripped of her accoutrements Lend me, too, this strength. ~*~ Depression is ours Let it take hold of us; or, We can fight it off.   ~*~ Darkened skies hover- As life’s gray times, is this a Precursor of Peace? ~*~    Paths of solitude Commissurate, dream and Bring us peaceful thoughts. ~*~ Lone tree leaning far- Yearning for something better Much like some of us. ~*~ Tranquility lies Where green fields meet hills and sky The air is peaceful. ~*~ She sits in the sun Pensive, by the bubbling brook Who knows of her pain? ~*~ The gathering storm Whether viewed at dawn or dusk Previews tomorrow. ~*~ Soft petals, stand tall- Rose, in your simplicity Teach us all your peace. ~*~ Onset of dusk brings Eerie thoughts and sounds at night Dispelled by the dawn. ~*~ Footprints on the dunes- In the distance, he’s walking Troubled, pensive man. ~*~   ANHEDONIA IN THE WORKPLACE © Toni D. Helfrick How do you feel when everything’s wrong Your mind wants to run away The place that you work, the weak and the strong They challenge you every day. Your head has an ache down your shoulders and neck Your stomach, it just cannot eat You want to go home, you’re feeling a wreck And morning is young, your bones creak! Yet, you are the ones on whom people depend- You’re needed and you cannot shirk The job that you have doesn’t come to an end, For most of your life is your work! And those who leave early when they came in late Just what can be wrong with their minds? They aren’t responsible people you see The workforce is filled with all kinds! And when no one notices, nobody cares, That you’re pulling most of the weight At a job that requires each one to work Though the bulk of them still comes in late. So what is the answer to fix all of this? A horrible workplace, a mess! As long as a few are responsible folks- They’ll keep all the slackers, I guess. ~*~ Note: ANHEDONIA means: apathy, or unpleasant   THE EARLY MORN © Toni D. Helfrick A foggy morn, The pasture’s gray The fence is blurred- Sun’s on its way. The brightness climbs Backlighted rays Tall live oak, that love To stay. And we will see the morn each day- We see when fog will burn away, Yet, other times the clouds are fine, And we enjoy them, any time!   LADY BY THE SEASIDE © Toni D. Helfrick By shores of the sea, stood a lady quite tall She looked beyond water, just seeing it all The trees leaning landward, far from the surf As though quite unhappy, they longed for the turf. The lady who stood there, with long windblown hair Was deep in her thoughts, and trees were still there She had much in common with some trees, she thought She too, had been leaning, unhappiness wrought. The best times of life she had suffered in pain And though, she might change things, she’s fixed it, to gain She longed for her childhood, times then were fine- Just to be back then, her memories? “Mine!” The lady just smiled and thought better things She needed some changes and longed for some wings Wings, to fly onward, think of some things- Seeing new places and people it brings. She walked from the seaside, determined to be The person she was, when she called herself, “me”. With thoughts of new changes, things she can do Her face with a smile, eyes had happiness, too. She abandoned the ‘winter’, and welcomed the spring- With strong motivation, her new life shall bring A time for all seasons, on into the night She knew now, at last, the future is bright.   THE  POX (trochet) © Toni D. Helfrick Boughs with leaves, they brush across my head Lying quite encumbered, in my bed Thoughts though transient when I am awake Keep me mindful life is now at stake. Fight the fever, end the horrid chill- I have naught the strength nor half the will, Seeing chains, the fires of Hell, my doom Set me free from my mem’ries in my room. I am but a pawn, who led astray Kept myself from prison ‘til today- Sickness, fever, how did I here lie? Wanting yet to live, alas, I die. ~*~ ~NOTE: Trochee:  Poem is 4 quatrains, the rhyme is aabb, ccdd, eeff.   BARRICADE OF FEELINGS © Toni D. Helfrick Their bridal album mocked them from the dresser- These two whose love was there but yet had waned, The “honeymoon was over”, as they noticed And everyday existence had remained. They both had lost communication needed- The way to help each other by and by, And both had started wond’ring to themselves, who Each other was and also, “Who am I?” They lacked the way that they could tell the other Just how they felt and of their hopes and fears- Each blamed the other in a way for failing, Unable to release their thoughts and tears. They never learned acceptance of the other Nor how to comfort partners in their pain, Instead, they built a barricade of feelings- On either side of this each would remain. She slept, when able, facing always northward- And he slept, when he could sleep, facing south, She did not talk except of foolish matters, And nothing of his feelings left his mouth. For, disillusionment in loving partners, So unaware of how each one can please- Will cloud their heads with unimportant nonsense, And always, miss the forest for the trees.   WHAT DOES ANYONE ASK? © Toni D. Helfrick What is it we ask of our children? We ask them to keep clean, mind their manners Do their homework and their chores And not to sass or harm another. And what do we ask of our teenagers? We ask that they not get tattoos or body piercing We want that they come home on time Please drive carefully and study well, Respect others and not to experiment With alcohol or drugs. And what do we ask of our spouse or good friend? We ask that we can communicate with one another, Help each other and cooperate with each other And that we are there, each for the other, in time of need. And what do we ask of The Lord? We ask Him for courage, strength, wisdom and peace Healing for one who is ill, and for His help to guide our lives As we all live, and try to do our best. And what does The Lord ask of us? He asks that we love Him, share our lives with Him And, to live by His Commandments. The Lord God also asks that we help those in need, That we might find a lost soul and guide them to The Light. God asks us to help someone in need, and to be a good Samaritan. And what then, do you ask of yourself? It varies with the individual, but mostly, We must KNOW and SEE ourselves well enough that We can take a good look at ourselves, our faults And the way we treat other people. And when we find faults, we must then remedy them, So that we can all forgive, fix, and heal ourselves.   Website Home Page